Introduction
This phrase discusses a relationship that the other party was involved in but where they looked disinterested. Perhaps understanding the other party was also difficult for you. Rest assured, you are not on your own! While empathy is essential for healthy relationships, many people cannot offer it in the first place.
Empathy is defined as the extension of one’s self to another, allowing oneself to take for granted and experience the feelings of others internally. It stitches together emotional bonds, trust, and safety among partners. In the modern world, people have so much to do that empathy tends to be nonexistent, which causes misinterpretations, arguments, or emotional withdrawal from people and their relationships.
This article intends to provide insight through case studies that attempt to explain relationships that lack empathy and provide some recommendations to help readers engage in healthy relationships.
Possible Reasons Behind the Lack of Empathy in Relationships
1. Emotional Overload and Stress
There are many ways to go about life, but it can get messy really fast. People try to juggle work, finances, and personal life to keep things from falling apart, often forgetting to consider their partner’s feelings. Sympathizing for someone when you’re emotionally exhausted is problematic enough as is.
For instance, there is this instance when Sarah escapes her home from a hypercharged and maddening day at work and is extremely stressed out. Her partner, Jake, had an emotional workday but in a very different way. He had a confrontation with his colleague. Instead of elaborating on his day, Jake asks, “How was your day at work?” To which Sarah responds, “I’ve had worse. Can we not speak about this now?” With this, Jake begins feeling ignored, which only decreases his sense of connection, thus feeling neglected.
2. Different Communication Styles
People have different styles of expressing feelings and communicating. While some may choose to talk, others prefer silence. Inter-partner problems often arise when there is an obvious lapse of understanding between the parties’ different communication styles.
Example: While Mia freely shares her emotions, her boyfriend Alex seems to check out emotionally and remains quiet during the conversations. Alex’s silence is not a sign of concern and surely does not change Mia’s thinking. The missing link that fiancée Mia fails to grasp is that Alex is, in fact, working through his emotions. It is quite obvious how Mia misconstrues her boyfriend’s silence without strong communicative abilities as apathy.
3. Past Trauma or Emotional Baggage
Certain negative life experiences like traumatic childhood or abusive relationships can severely impact one’s ability to engage emotionally with a partner. The sad reality is that if someone has been through some form of suffering before, they are sure to create emotional walls that prevent them from fully engaging with their partner at the level needed.
For Example: David finds it difficult to offer consolation to his wife Emily when she feels downcast. This lack of concern is due to not having emotionally expressive families, which impacts the supportive comfort quadrant. Rather than comforting and emotionally engaging as he would be expected to do as a husband, David attempts to do the exact opposite. He tries to “solve” the matter by using logic, leaving Emily without any support.
4. Self-Centered Thinking
Many people take self-care as a hobby, and that is okay. However, taking it too far can have dangerous consequences. The danger increases when a person pours their energy into self-care and willfully ignores their partner’s attention to the situation.
For instance, Mark, who does not consult Lisa while planning the weekend activities, since he has already made the plans. He completely ignored Lisa’s very noticeable attempts to moderate his behaviour, which made her feel disrespected as her voice in the relationship was ignored.
Actionable Advice & Encouragement
1. Practice Active Listening
Being a listener means being empathetic. Empathy means more than just hearing your partner’s concerns and pain—it also means making yourself unengaged or uninvolved so your partner can explain.
For example, if your partner is seriously explaining something serious, do your best to remain focused for the entirety of what they have said so that you don’t have any thoughts of responding immediately. Rather, focus on what they are saying and non-verbally respond with a gentle smile, eye contact, nodding, or rephrasing what you are talking about to show that you are listening and in agreement.
2. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Before making a statement, evaluate your partner’s emotional condition. Think to yourself, “If I were in their situation, what would I expect out of myself?”
Practice: When your partner brings up something, you could try beginning your response from the other person’s emotions. For example, you could say, “From my observation, it seems that you are angry. How can I help you?”
3. Validate Their Feelings
To acknowledge does not mean to agree with your partner’s reasoning. It suggests that their wrong feelings, if any, are as weighty as yours and must be accounted for.
A partner may say, “You don’t seem to appreciate the amount of care and affection I have to give as your wife.” Instead of making an irrational defence and saying, “That is totally untrue,” you can say, “I am sorry that you feel that way. What will make you feel differently about this?”
4. Develop Emotional Awareness
By understanding your emotions and emotional intelligence, you can understand your partner’s emotions. To improve emotional intelligence, algorithmically spend time around analysing your emotions and what triggers them.
Suggestion: Make sure you have and reflect on times when you felt an emotional reaction and the corresponding action. Eventually, understanding your emotional responses and your partner’s will come into focus.
5. Show Empathy Through Actions
Sometimes, small gestures can make a big impact. Empathy isn’t just about words—it’s about actions, too.
Examples:
- If your partner seems to be overwhelmed, step up and do an errand like preparing the dinner.
- If they are feeling low, hug them rather than attempt to “solve” their issue.
- Let them have a surprise treat, something they like, or a note to cheer them up if they are having a terrible day.
6. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Anything with intent to show care that proves unreasonably tedious is alarming. A counsellor or therapist is bound to help at this stage. In the presence of these specialists, couples can critically reflect on their attempts at verbal and nonverbal communication and learn to use more effective ones.
Conclusion & Empowerment
Empathy is fundamental in every relationship; most importantly, it is needed for couples to feel as if they are one. Relationships, like everything else, have their own difficulties, but motivation and effort always make empathy attainable. Sadly, some people hold the belief that fostering an intimate relationship with a partner does not require understanding.
Effective listening, placing oneself in the partner’s shoes, validating one’s feelings, and showing understanding are the pillars that support fostering relations that thrive in social, psychological, and emotional wellbeing. The truth for this is focusing on improvement rather than getting obsessed with perfection.
Finally, when your partner expresses an emotion, put yourself in their shoes, take a few deep breaths, and approach the situation with understanding and empathy. Little acts of understanding and concern enhance the connection and help maintain a healthy intimate relationship, so remember to appreciate them.