Introduction
While breaking a partner’s trust via infidelity is devastating, rebuilding that trust is an important part of healing a wounded marriage. It will no longer appear in a single day and requires empathy, honesty, and consistent effort over a prolonged duration. However, many couples who’ve experienced infidelity can repair their courting and restore intimacy through open communication and demonstrating loyalty going ahead.
This article will explore the important steps to rebuilding faith after an affair, offer insights from counselors and courting professionals, and share facts and fulfillment costs to present desire to those running to heal their marriage. With patience and willpower for your partner’s needs, you could regain their faith in you and your commitment to faithfulness.
Source: Gottman Institute, based on research studies of couples who experienced infidelity
Table of Key Facts:
- 67% of men and 63% of women report having been betrayed by a spouse at some point in their marriage (Gottman Institute)
- It takes an estimated 2-5 years on average to fully recover trust after an incident of infidelity or major betrayal (Gottman Institute)
- Only 33% of couples who experience infidelity can rebuild trust and stay together long-term (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy)
- Demonstrating consistent changed behavior over 6-18 months through actions, not just words, is critical to rebuilding trust (Psychology Today)
- Getting individual and couple counseling can increase chances of successfully restoring trust by 50-70% compared to trying to do it alone (American Counseling Association)
Admit what you did and accept full responsibility.
One primary way to restore trust is to take complete accountability for your actions. Do not make excuses or blame shifts. Look your spouse directly in the eyes and apologize sincerely for hurting them. Make it clear you understand the gravity of what you have done and the damage caused to the relationship. Own up to each and every decision that led to the affair transparently. Being honest about details, no matter how painful, is important so they understand the full truth. Admitting fault is the first step in willingness to do the difficult repair work.
Don’t get defensive, and listen without judgment.
When coming clean about infidelity, avoid defensiveness at all costs. Let your spouse express their hurt, anger, and feelings of betrayal without interrupting or trying to justify yourself. Respect that they need to grieve the broken bond, so stay quiet and listen openly as they share their pain. Resist the urge to argue or place any of the blame back on them – this will only undermine efforts to rebuild compassion. Being a willing listener without defensiveness builds trust that you are truly sorry and supportive of their healing process.
Be transparent with communication.
From now on, your partner will naturally feel insecure and wonder what you’re really doing or who you’re with when you’re apart. Rebuild trust by being completely transparent with communication. Give them access to your phone, email, and social media passwords for peace of mind whenever they need reassurance. Check in frequently when you are out and send photos of where you are if asked. Most importantly, answer any and all questions they have honestly without hesitation, no matter how inconsequential the question may seem to you. Open-book communication is important early on to help soothe anxieties.
Seek counselling
The difficulty of repairing trust after betrayal is best navigated with help. Seek individual counseling to understand what psychological factors led you to cheat and how to change those behaviors permanently and thought patterns. Couples counseling also provides a safe space for important discussions with guidance from an objective third party. A therapist can help you heal from hurt and develop new relationship skills like empathetic listening and conflict resolution. Repairing after infidelity requires a willingness to do internal work, so counseling demonstrates your commitment to bettering yourself for the sake of your marriage.
Make your partner feel secure.
One study found that the number one thing spouses who cheat can do is make their partner feel secure. That means prioritizing their comfort, safety and needs above all else. Regularly validate them with verbal and physical affection like hugs, hand-holding, and kisses. Plan meaningful date nights to bond. Don’t dismiss insecurities; instead, calm fears through reassurance when asked where or who you are with. Follow through consistently with promises and ensure nothing shady can be misconstrued by following the other tips, like transparency and accountability. Making security the number one priority helps rebuild faith in your loyalty.
Be patient, as healing takes time.
Rebuilding trust is a long-term process that may take years, depending on the severity of the betrayal. Healing is not linear, so expect two steps forward, sometimes followed by one step back, as old doubts resurface. Maintain perspective through the ups and downs. Be supportive through struggles without defensiveness. Understand your partner needs to grieve fully at their own pace before truly forgiving can occur. Small setbacks don’t mean the relationship is unfixable – they represent natural bumps along the difficult road of repairing deep wounds. With continued affection, honesty, and reassurance over months – even years – trust can gradually become stronger than before. Patience is key.
Consistency is everything
Trust grows through consistency in word and action aligned with the steps above over a lengthy period. One slip-up or resentful day can undermine past progress, so remain vigilant each and every day. Make rebuilt trust a consistent priority, not just when tensions rise, by double checking in daily with affection, asking about their day and feelings openly, sharing details of your movements without prompting, and demonstrating you value them above all else. Complacency is the enemy here – effort must persist long-term for real change to embed. Constantly proving yourself through consistency in the tough but loving actions that nurtured initial recovery ultimately convinces a spouse of your trustworthiness over the long haul.
How I Rebuilt Trust with My Wife After Cheating
The journey to rebuild trust with my wife of 10 years after a brief affair was immensely difficult but ultimately paved our relationship with a profound closeness I never thought possible. Here are some lessons I learned from my experience:
- Admitting what I did was the hardest but most important part of being honest and accountable. I had to accept her anger and forgive myself before we could move forward.
- I gave her access to all my devices and passwords without hesitation. The transparency helped ease concerns and provided daily reassurance during a fragile time. It felt invasive, but it was worth it to regain her confidence.
- Counseling opened my eyes to why I strayed and challenged me to grow emotionally. It also gave us tools for healthy communication during painful talks instead of arguments.
- Consistently validating her worth and showing affection, even when I didn’t feel like it, restored her security above my fleeting desires.
- Patience and avoiding resentment during setbacks were key. Healing takes time and consistency in actions, not just words, to rebuild what was broken.
- Years later, our bond is stronger because we rebuilt from the bottom up through humility, honesty, and proving my loyalty remains steady through any storm. The difficult work was worth saving our marriage.
Overall, being accountable, transparent, willing to change, and demonstrating a commitment to her well-being above all else with time and consistency is how I answered the question, “how do I get my wife to trust me again.” Rebuilding is a long process, but restoring intimacy is possible with an effort to regain what was lost.
Common Questions About Rebuilding Trust
What if I have setbacks in staying faithful?
Minor slip-ups truly undo all past progress, so vigilance is needed. But reinforcing consistency demonstrates growth. Admit mistakes immediately with radical honesty and humility. Ask how to do better moving forward through open discussion.
How much should I share about the affair?
Being fully transparent with details, though painful, shows accountability. Over-sharing too early can traumatize, so pace disclosure sensitively based on the partner’s ability to process. Counseling provides a guided way to share appropriate facts respectfully.
What if they say they can never forgive?
Understand the hurt takes time to heal. Keep proving trustworthiness through loving actions without the expectation of forgiveness. Forced forgiveness too soon can undermine recovery. With patience and care over months/years, perspective often changes. Focus on a commitment to change regardless of the outcome.
How long until we are “fixed”?
Each relationship’s repair timeframe depends on the severity/duration of the betrayal and the effort sustained. Significant growth often occurs within 2 years if consistent effort continues long-term. But residual doubts may periodically surface years later, too, due to trauma’s lingering effects. Long-term survivors say renewal ultimately comes from nurturing a “new” healthy marriage born from recovery.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while destroying trust through infidelity inflicts deep wounds, many relationships can heal over time if the betraying partner commits fully to the investment of regaining what was lost through empathy, honesty, accountability, and consistent demonstration of changed behaviors and priorities. The journey is difficult, but restoring intimacy is possible for committed couples who address the root issues through open communication and dedication to the partner’s well-being and security above all else. With patience and effort, you can answer the critical question, “How do I get my wife to trust me again.”