How To help your child accept a new relationship?

Finding new love after the divorce or death of a spouse can be wonderful and fulfilling, but at the same time, hard for children. Ten steps are suggested here to help your child embrace the change that comes with a new love in your life.

Table of Stats

• 70% of children struggle when a parent begins dating again (Pew Research Center).
• Often, a child will feel displaced, confused, and angry when a parent starts a new relationship (Journal of Divorce and Remarriage).
• It takes children, on average, from 6 months to 2 years to fully warm up to a parent’s new partner (American Psychological Association).
• Children appear to adjust better if the parents move slowly and keep the home as a stable unit in life (Journal of Divorce and Remarriage).

Facts About Children and New Relationships

1. Set clear boundaries: Ease your child into the idea of time and privacy by setting strict boundaries from the start of dating. Limit overnights and dates outside the home for the first few months.
2. Discuss your new relationship early and openly. Share with your children in an age-appropriate way as soon as possible how this relationship will include and affect them.
3. Be patient. Remember that it is not you, he is rebelling against, but the big life change to accept. Let him have time and space to come around at his speed. It might take months or years.
4. Keep things stable. Stability in schedules, family time, and routine comforts children adjusting to a new situation. Provide as little disruption as possible.
5. Involve the child. Invite your child to accompany you and your new partner in some one-on-one activities to start building their relationship with your new partner in small, painless steps. It is easier for both of them to feel relaxed and comfortable with each other if they are not under the pressure of feeling that they should get along with each other in one particular setting.
6. Postpone overnight stays. Keep the new partner out of your home initially, particularly overnight. It gives the child time to get used to the relationship before having to share their family space.
7. Don’t force the issue. When your child is resistant to engaging in activities, just being with or accepting your new partner, the more you force the issue, the more they’ll withdraw. Let him lead and pace himself.
8. Listen non-judgmentally. Allow your child to share their feelings, regrets, or other concerns. Open-ended questions will allow your child to express his or her feelings without criticism.
9. Stay close. Spend one-on-one time with your child, especially at the beginning. This reassures him that his relationship with you hasn’t changed.
10. Seek outside help. If your child’s struggles feel overwhelming or ongoing, consider reaching out to a child therapist or counselor. They can advise ways to work through this transition.

Here are some additional points to consider when helping your child accept a new relationship:

• Reassure the kid that their place in your life is very secure. Tell them as clearly as possible that your love for them will never change, no matter who else comes into your life. Most probably, this point soon lessens feelings of abandonment or replacement.
• Do not criticize the other parent of your child in their presence. This undermines the relationships between the child and both parents and may make them resent their new partner.
• Be moderate on the amount of information about your new relationship that your child doesn’t need to know. Sometimes, too much information may not appeal to some children and can affect your relationship with them.
• Don’t force your child into calling your new partner “Mom” or “Dad.” Let your child come up with a term they can call your partner by. Forcing titles sometimes may backfire.
• Engage your child in ways how to navigate the family events together. The more involved that they are in the planning, the greater the sense of control that they will feel, which should help alleviate anxiety.
• Don’t compare your child to your new partner’s children. This can foster resentment and competition between the kids.
• If your partner has children, try to get to know them. Modeling acceptance of a blended family for your child can be influential.
• Family therapy can be very helpful if one’s usual strategies are not cutting it. It can provide a means to mediate communication and tensions in a structured and healthy manner.

The most important thing is maintaining open communication with your child, validating their feelings, and moving at the right pace. Be willing to adjust and accommodate your child’s needs to build their trust in this new paradigm. With tact, transparency, and time, most children accept a parent’s new partner.

Conclusion

Summary New relationship following the demise of a spouse or another divorce is a fine thing, but it may take time, steadiness, and patience for your child. Children can gradually warm up to their new partner over time if things are done slowly, clearly, and with boundaries at the beginning. Keep a good relationship with your child and, if need be, counseling. In the end, responding to your child’s best interests and feelings gets better results for everyone.