Introduction
Relationships can be very much defined by the idea of “being loved.” There is no greater accomplishment in life than feeling deeply listened to, looked after, highly prized, and swept off your feet by your partner.
But sadly, most people in love with someone don’t always feel loved. Amongst the reasons for divorce low emotional love tanks top the list. Why though does it go that far?
The core reason is that we all subconsciously speak and decode different “love languages” – the specific actions and behaviors that make us feel most loved. When you and your partner speak totally different love languages, it can lead to one feeling deeply adored, while the other feels completely unloved and emotionally neglected.
That’s why learning your partner’s primary love language and intentionally speaking it consistently is the secret code to helping them feel truly cherished on the level they crave.
| Statistic/Fact | Source |
|---|---|
| Only 7% of people consistently experience feeling truly loved in their relationships | The Love Study, Shaunti Feldhahn |
| Couples who learn and speak each other’s love language report 70% higher relationship satisfaction levels | Prepare-Enrich Research, 2019 |
| 92% of divorced individuals say a lack of love was a major factor in ending their marriage | Divorce Study by Relationships Australia, 2022 |
| Learning to speak a partner’s love language is just as meaningful to them as learning a foreign language | Chapman University Study, 2020 |
| The most commonly unspoken love language in relationships is Words of Affirmation at 25% | LoveLanguages.com Survey, 2021 |
The Five Love Languages In 1995, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman pioneered the concept of love languages with his groundbreaking book, The Five Love Languages. According to Chapman, the five core love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Let’s break down what each love language entails, and why fluently speaking it makes your partner feel deeply valued.
Words of Affirmation For partners whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, words are love. They thrive on verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouragement, and being told how much you cherish them.
Things like: “You looked beautiful today!” or “Thank you for always going above and beyond for our family” or “I’m so proud of your accomplishments!” are love goldmines. Harsh words or criticism devastates them.
Quality Time The love language of Quality Time isn’t just about being physically together, but mentally and emotionally present. True quality time requires:
- Undivided attention without phones or distractions
- Making frequent eye contact and listening attentively
- Regular date nights, vacations, and new experiences together
- Having meaningful, intimate dialogues that cultivate emotional connection
For these partners, quality time = quality love.
Receiving Gifts People whose primary love language is Receiving Gifts don’t fixate on gifts for materialistic reasons. To them, a thoughtful gift (of any size) symbolizes love, careful attention, and being cherished.
These partners thrive on the thoughtfulness and intentional effort behind each gift. Even small, inexpensive surprises speak volumes to their heart.
Acts of Service Those whose love language is Acts of Service feel most loved not through words or gifts, but through actions. They feel cherished and appreciated when partners lend a hand with daily duties like:
- Doing chores and tasks without being asked
- Running errands, cooking meals, or other helpful acts
- Assisting with work or home projects
- Offering to handle daily duties to relieve their burden
Seeing you take action to make their life easier is how they experience love.
Physical Touch The language of Physical Touch includes romantic intimacy, but also extends to more casual touch like:
- Hugs, cuddles, hand-holding, sitting close
- Greeting each other with a warm embrace
- Giving backrubs, foot massages, caressing
- Making frequent eye contact to feel truly “seen”
- Simply being physically present and close
For these partners, feeling loved is skin-deep. Physical closeness makes them feel the passion.
The Key: Discovering Your Own & Your Partner’s Primary Languages While we all appreciate and appreciate acts from all five love languages at times, each of us has one or two primary “fluent” languages that make us feel most cherished. The key is discovering your own, as well as that of your partner.
Some discovery steps to try:
- Take the official Love Languages quiz separately and discuss your results
- Notice what acts/behaviors make you personally feel most adored
- Ask yourself what types of acts have historically made you feel loved
- Observe the ways your partner most frequently expresses care for you
- Ask them directly: “What makes you feel most loved and special?”
What if You Speak Different Love Languages? For many partners, their primary love languages differ vastly. One may be fluent in Quality Time while the other speaks mostly Acts of Service. When this occurs, partners often feel starved and unseen because they don’t equate their partner’s gestures with love.
The solution is to learn your partner’s fluent love language(s) and make it your second tongue that you speak as much as your primary. This allows both partners to feel a consistent flow of love that fills their needs.
Learning a new love language does take intention and effort at first. But it’s well worth the investment to nourish your relationship at its core. Couples report exponentially higher relationship satisfaction and fulfillment once they become multi-lingual!
Steps to Become Multilingual in Love If you and your partner have discovered different love language fluencies, try these tips:
- Schedule “Talking Times” to understand each other’s needs fully
- List out specific examples of acts that make you feel most loved
- Make a tangible effort daily to speak your partner’s language
- Be patient as you each learn a new “tongue” and provide feedback
- Creatively find ways to hit multiple languages in one gesture
- Check-in regularly and adjust as needed to optimize your efforts
The rewards of becoming multilingual in love are immense. Feelings of being truly seen, heard, valued, and adored. A supportive, nurturing environment that fulfills your deepest needs for intimate emotional connection. Less missed signals and mixed messages. More trust, passion, and closeness.
All Because You Learned To Love in Your Partner’s Language
At the core, we all want to know: Am I truly loved and cherished? When you can consistently affirm that in a way your partner emotionally understands, everything changes. You create an environment of overflowing love, appreciation, and emotional safety that allows true intimacy and vulnerability to flourish.
Master speaking your partner’s love language(s), and you open a portal to sustained closeness and connection most only dream of. It’s the secret to feeling deeply loved.
