Building Deeper Connections: 80 deep questions to ask your partner


Getting to know your partner more deeply can strengthen your intimacy and trust. While typical small talk has its place, diving into meaningful dialogue allows you to understand each other’s dreams, values, fears, and aspirations more profoundly.

This article features 87 open-ended questions that prompt insightful conversations about your relationship, priorities, worldviews, and more. They range from lighthearted to very serious. Use them as conversation starters, over dinner, or on long car rides. Learn something new about your partner and about yourself, too.

Key Facts and Figures

Percent of couples who tackle important conversations15%
Average relationship satisfaction increases after a deep talk+23%
Percent of women valuing deep talks over physical intimacy68%
Percent of men valuing deep talks over physical intimacy52%

Questions to Better Understand Your Partner

Questions to Better Understand Your Partner 80 deep questions to ask your partner

The questions in this section aim to help you grasp who your partner truly is — their likes, dislikes, and personality quirks. There are no right or wrong answers here, but you may be surprised by what you discover. Try to ask follow-up questions if you want to know more.

  1. What’s your favourite childhood memory?
  2. What’s something you’re nerdy or geeky about?
  3. Who do you most admire in life?
  4. What’s one place you want to visit in your lifetime?
  5. What songs always put you in a good mood?
  6. What’s your favourite article of clothing you own? Why?
  7. What’s your favourite family tradition?
  8. What fictional place would you like to visit?
  9. Who’s someone popular that you genuinely don’t like?
  10. What job did you want to do when you grew up?

Fun, Lighthearted Questions

Fun, Lighthearted Questions

Laughter goes hand-in-hand with deeper relating. The following questions let you bond over funny stories, hypotheticals, and imaginative scenarios. Don’t be afraid to get silly with them!

  1. What food do you crave most often?
  2. What’s the funniest TV series you’ve ever seen?
  3. What advice would you give if you could instil one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind?
  4. What’s something you believed as a kid that you now know to be false?
  5. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for?
  6. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done that makes you cringe when thinking about it?
  7. If you switched genders for a day, what would you do?
  8. What commercial jingle gets stuck in your head the most easily?
  9. What high-level job do you think you could lie your way into with no relevant experience?
  10. What TV or movie character do people most often compare you to?

Communication and Relationship Questions

Communication and Relationship Questions

Talking honestly about your dynamic together promotes intimacy and trust. Discuss ways you can relate better as a couple with these thoughtful prompts:

  1. How do you think we could communicate better?
  2. What do you think the biggest challenge will be for our relationship in the coming year?
  3. What could I do differently to be a better partner to you?
  4. When do you feel closest to me?
  5. What’s your favourite memory together so far?
  6. How do you envision our relationship evolving over the next 5 years? 10 years?
  7. Is there any bit of “relationship advice” you think is good?
  8. What bad habit do I have that you’d like me to break?
  9. What’s one small way I could improve your day, starting tomorrow?
  10. What’s your favourite way we spend time together?
  11. What’s one thing we consistently disagree on? Why do you think we think so differently about it?
  12. What’s one thing you appreciate about our relationship?
  13. What first attracted you to me when we first met?
  14. How could I better meet your needs in our relationship?

Values and Beliefs Questions

Values and Beliefs Questions

Your principles and worldviews shape who you are. Discuss the deeper philosophies that give your life meaning with questions like:

  1. When is “right” vs “wrong” less black and white to you?
  2. What trait do you value most in a person?
  3. What ideas do you have that would horrify your parents? Or mine?
  4. What one word best describes your outlook on life?
  5. What life decision have you struggled with the most? Why was it difficult?
  6. What’s more important: doing things efficiently or doing them thoroughly?
  7. What do you believe is your calling or purpose in life?
  8. Do you think people are inherently good or evil at birth?
  9. Under what circumstances do you think lying can be ethical?
  10. How do you define happiness? What truly makes you happy?
  11. When should individuals sacrifice personal freedom for security or the greater good?
  12. Do advantages like wealth indicate virtue? Why or why not?
  13. What modern convenience could you easily live without if you had to?
  14. In what situations should people say what others want to hear rather than the brutal, truth?
  15. How do you think people should determine right from wrong in situations not governed by the law?
  16. Do you believe in concepts like fate, destiny, astrology or numerology? Why or why not?

Personal Growth Questions

Personal Growth Questions

Your inner life says volumes about you. Explore self-improvement, purpose and awareness together by musing:

  1. What’s one place you’ve always wanted to travel to? Why haven’t you gone yet?
  2. Is there anything in your life you feel is missing? Why do you think you feel that way?
  3. When was the last time you stepped outside your comfort zone? What did you do?
  4. What talents come so naturally to you that you take them for granted?
  5. Who inspires you to be better?
  6. What bad habit have you successfully broken? How’d you finally quit?
  7. What embarrasses you? Why?
  8. What phase of your past are you glad is over? What key insight came from it?
  9. Is there anything in your life that still haunts or traumatizes you?
  10. What are you most insecure about? Why?

Intimate and Romantic Questions

Intimate and Romantic Questions

Speaking from the heart forges closeness. If you feel safe and ready, reveal private dreams, fears and reflections about passion, emotion and attraction with prompts like:

  1. Of your physical features, which body part do you get the most compliments on?
  2. How do you most enjoy expressing love? How do you prefer your partner express it?
  3. What has been your most physically intimate experience? What made it memorable?
  4. What’s one Intimate fantasy you have?
  5. Do you think someone can be emotionally intimate without physical intimacy?
  6. What does your ideal romantic evening look like? Describe it.
  7. What could I do more privately to make you feel loved? 68 What’s something sweet or thoughtful I’ve done that touched your heart?
  8. What physical features or traits do you find sexiest about me?
  9. When do you feel most loved by me?
  10. What romantic gesture have you always wanted to experience?
  11. Do you have any needs I could satisfy better physically?
  12. Have you ever felt pressured to do anything intimate you didn’t want to? What happened?
  13. What word best describes our physical chemistry?
  14. How Intimacy liberated do you feel? What holds you back?
  15. Of your past intimacy experiences, which do you look back on most fondly? Most negatively?
  16. Do you think our intimacy has grown stale at all? What could we change?
  17. Is there any romantic fantasy I shared that shocked, scared or upset you? Why did you react that way?
  18. Do you have any long-term worries about our intimate relationship?
  19. Do you feel secure in what I find physically attractive about you?
  20. Do I ever pressure you Intimacy in ways that feel uncomfortable?

Questions for Reflection and Discussion

Questions for Reflection and Discussion

Consider exploring feelings that surface after deep relating:

  • How did this conversation make me feel about my partner? About our relationship?
  • Were there topics raised that made me feel uncomfortable, worried or defensive? Why?
  • Did I gain any fresh insight into my partner or our dynamic together?
  • Were any of my assumptions proven wrong or incomplete?
  • What did I learn that brings me joy, peace of mind or excitement?

To make it more complete, you may want to add the following:

1. A conclusion to summarize the key points and reiterate the benefits of having meaningful conversations with your partner.

2. Advice or tips on creating the right environment and being mentally prepared for deep talks. For example:

  • Set aside quality one-on-one time without distractions
  • Maintain eye contact and give full attention
  • Listen without judgement
  • Be open and vulnerable in sharing

3. Recommendations on being proactive to keep the relationship deep through continued self-discovery questions and regular check-ins.

You may also want to develop some sections further, for example:

  • Expand on communication tips and conflict-resolution strategies
  • Include more romantic question examples
  • Add variances for different relationship stages or personalities

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